Relationships are tough, and if you go into one expecting anything different, then you are going to be in for a surprise. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t a good fit for your partner, or that you would be happier on your own, it’s simply a fact that life has a habit of getting in the way. Even the happiest couple in the world will find that there are times when they are tested by a lack of finances, by different views about children, or by stressful periods at work. Living with anyone is difficult, and when you have to plan your life around that person things get tougher still.
Throw in the cocktail of emotions that leaves us craving human contact at random times, that alters our moods and makes us sulky and irrational, or that makes us pine after other women/men, and you have a recipe for trouble. Then there’s all the expectations, the meddling of parents, the pressures of society… it’s a wonder anyone stays together.
So every relationship is going to be hard at times, and often you will find that they end up running into the same problems. In most cases though, these common problems have common solutions and as long as you know how, you can probably work through them as long as the will is there. Here we will look at five common problems, and five ways that you should be able to deal with them…
Problem 1: The Passion Is Gone
Guys around the world have felt at times that their partners don’t give them enough attention, or that there isn’t enough passion or romance (read that as sex) in their relationships. And of course it’s not just guys either – women too feel this way from time to time and it’s not uncommon to get resentful or to start looking elsewhere for that attention.
Often though, you just need to look into your own behaviour, and into whether or not you are injecting that passion yourself. Men will often expect their partners to perform and to dress up, but then make no effort to look sharp themselves. If you take more effort in your appearance, then you can almost bet that your partner will do the same – if only for fear of being showed up.
Likewise, rather than waiting for romance to happen, you should from time to time go to the effort of seducing your partner. And that means thinking about how they like to be seduced – not just about how you can get your kick quickly. Would they find it sexier if you were more assertive? Or do they like a slow build up? Change your attitude and you will often find that your love life can be easily improved.
Problem 2: They Get on Your Nerves!
Living with anyone is difficult, and it’s amazing how quickly the smallest problems can grow to become serious issues that will drive you mad. It might be cute at first when your partner burps in front of you, or seem like no big deal if they leave the washing up out, but once they’ve done it for the fiftieth time it’s a different story.
The answer this time is not to sit on the problem until it grows to that point. Instead, bring it up while it is still a mild issue and make sure your partner is aware of it. Usually they will make an effort to moderate their behaviour, and you can prevent it growing into a big problem.
Problem 3: Things Get Stagnant
Even if your sex life is good, your relationship can end up feeling stagnant if you find yourself never going out and doing anything interesting, or never finding any time for one another. This might be a problem that you’re both aware of, but when you come home from work exhausted every day, and when you are struggling to make ends meet, it can be too much of an ask to go out every evening.
But of course you don’t need to spend lots of money in order to have a nice time with your partner – you will find that a nice meal in can be just as rewarding, as can a trip to a free museum or a walk around the park. And with regards to finding the time and energy, sometimes the easiest thing to do is to set up a ‘date night’ and to make an effort to both keep that date free and to do something nice together on it. Even if it’s only once a fortnight, this can help to keep things interesting and give you both that quality time together that every couple needs to stay close.
Problem 4: You Fancy Someone Else/Want to Sleep Around
Often a relationship will be going well, but then end suddenly because one party feels they want to ‘experience life more’ or they fall in love with someone else. Usually this just boils down to a fear of having sex with the same person for the rest of their lives and that then leads to a knee-jerk reaction.
If you find yourself feeling that way though, then you need to think about what’s really motivating it. Often these feelings can actually come from outside pressures and even peer pressure – the belief that we ‘need to sleep around’ in order to have ‘lived life’. In reality though, if you are happy with your current partner, then isn’t that much more worthwhile? If you are worried that you aren’t living life, then perhaps what you should be doing is looking at what really gives you a sense of fulfilment – at what you will look back fondly on your death bed – and then trying to do more of that.
And if it’s just that you fancy a change in your sex life, then consider spicing things up with your partner. Maybe if they wear a wig it could be enough to satisfy that craving for blondes…
Problem 5: Differing Philosophies
More serious though is having an argument with a partner that’s based on fundamental differences in the way you think, and the way you both want to live your lives. Perhaps your partner wants to settle down early, whereas you want to travel first. Perhaps they want to get married in a church and raise their children as Catholic, but you would rather leave religion out of your relationships.
Either way though, this will often seem like an insurmountable obstacle and in many cases the couple will break up broken hearted, assuming that there’s no way around the problem. In almost every case though you would find that this is not the case, and that there is some kind of compromise. In the former scenario you could agree to make an effort to travel after getting married, or even just agree to go backpacking for your honeymoon. In the latter, you might decide to take your children to church only on special occasions and to let them choose what they believe.
And during these difficult times there are two important things to remember. One is that you won’t ever find someone who feels the same way as you on every topic – differences of opinion are natural and inevitable. Furthermore, it’s actually no bad thing to be dating someone who has different views to you. This is what will help to keep your own views balanced, and will help to give you a richer life that’s more filled with experiences, growth and discussion.