Have you ever had ‘one of those days’? A day in which everything seemed to go wrong: dark, gloomy weather, relationship difficulties, bad health news – one thing after another battering you down? Of course, most people grit their teeth, get through it, and then go to bed hoping for better luck tomorrow. But for others, things can be more serious. If such days are not handled sensibly they can lead to foolish, impulsive acts, like quitting a good job or ending a happy relationship. In extreme cases, they can be the final straw, triggering nervous breakdowns and even suicide attempts.
Perspective
Monday morning. You awake to drizzle and a low, grey sky. Your partner is in a bad mood and leaves for work without saying goodbye. The rain has driven people into their cars, making the traffic even worse than usual. A cyclist suddenly kicks your door and screams and swears that you nearly ran him over. Later, your boss announces that the firm is in trouble and that there may have to be redundancies. On top of all this, you are worried that your child is being bullied at school and feel guilty that you do not see enough of your ageing father. You arrive home late. Your partner and child are in bed, and you flop down on the sofa, switch on the TV and sigh.
At times like this, perspective is crucial. Try the following exercise. First, get hold of some photographs of deep space. Look at the swirling clouds of gas and dust, the stars and galaxies twinkling away at unimaginable distances from you. Meditate on how utterly insignificant you and your problems really are. Now consider the following: ninety-nine percent of the species that ever existed have gone extinct; one day, the human race will be gone as well. In five hundred years (the blink of an eye in evolutionary terms) no one will even know you existed!
Some find such thoughts depressing. They needn’t be. Meditating on such facts will put your wretched little ego into perspective. It is no coincidence that the word ‘ecstasy’ comes from the Ancient Greek ‘ekstasis’, meaning to literally “get outside yourself”. The less identified you are with your ego, the calmer and happier you will feel.
Now take a moment to observe the crazy, jabbering mind and the way it floods consciousness with endless fears and negative patterns of thought. Conjure up an image of the sky. It is a motionless, clear blue. Suddenly a few little puffs of white appear, then dark storm clouds, then rain. Soon the whole sky is black. Your moment to moment awareness is like that empty blue sky; your thoughts are like the clouds. No matter how dark the sky becomes, the clouds will eventually disperse and the deep blue will reappear.
Finally, remember that things really could be worse. Indeed, for many, many people things are worse! And remind yourself what has happened. You have had a bad day, that’s all. Some days are good, some are bad, some are just dull. This was a bad day – nothing more. And never forget, if it weren’t for days like this you wouldn’t appreciate the good times.
Rationality and Pragmatism
If you have returned home exhausted and tearful after the day from hell, don’t sit down in the dark and sob. Take control. Switch on the lights and put on the heating. Next, tidy up. A warm, clean, brightly lit apartment will lift your mood and, crucially, give you a sense of order and control. An apartment littered with dirty clothes and unwashed plates, on the other hand, will drag you down still further. If you are having a bad day at work, you can apply the same principle – tidy your desk and throw away anything you can.
Be reasonable and sensible. Don’t ‘treat yourself’ with a load of unhealthy junk food. Even caffeine is best avoided. A bowl of ice cream or a couple of bars of chocolate may give you a temporary lift, but this will soon be followed by a crash as blood sugar levels spike then fall. Above all, resist the urge to drown your sorrows in alcohol. Instead, eat some mood-boosting foods like fresh, oily fish, bananas and nuts.
Next, reach out to people. Ideally, combine this with movement. Do you have a cheerful, positive friend? Give them a ring and ask them if they’d come for a walk or a jog. Don’t be afraid to tell the truth. Say that you’ve had a bad day and could really do with some company. Nothing will make you feel better than a brisk walk in natural light with someone positive and upbeat.
Beyond the Ego
For most, a bad day is nothing more than that. The weather is gloomy and a few nasty little incidents or worries combine to get you down. The next day, things pick up and it’s forgotten. For others, however, one bad day is followed by another, grinding them down. This is especially true when someone is bereaved, made redundant, or shattered by infidelity.
One of the best ways to prepare yourself is, oddly enough, by helping others. Try volunteering for a charity. The feeling that you are doing good in some way, and particularly that you are part of a group who are trying to do good, will take you out of yourself and give you a sense of intimacy and connection. Suffering lays people bare. They haven’t time for the little games or the superficial nonsense. People in pain often find they connect to one another more quickly, and more deeply, than they would ever have done had they met in a bar or at a sports club.
Never give up on people. Yes, some are selfish and cruel, but do not allow them to poison your view of the human race. And never underestimate just how much loneliness and pain there is in the world. Other people need you as well. Reach out and you may be surprised by the response you get.
Do not underestimate the impact a bad day can have. Those who suffer from agoraphobia or anorexia, for example, can frequently trace the beginning of their illness back to a single day. The same is often true of those who have suffered a nervous breakdown. The key is to be prepared.