My female friends often ask me where ‘all the nice guys’ are, and where they can meet people who want relationships. Friends have even considered leaving London because they believe that ‘London men’ are all only interested in casual flings. The unfortunate irony though, is that I actually know tons of decent guys and know that there are lots of them in right here in London who would make great partners for those girls.
The problem is that those guys will never meet those girls. Why? Because they’re generally too shy to approach them. It’s a frustrating situation, and probably even more so for the men who see countless opportunities pass them by. But the most frustrating part of all is that there’s a simple answer: just learn to overcome that fear. Just like any flaw or phobia, this is a problem that can be fixed if you know the right techniques and if you have the will.
So if you’re that kind of nice guy, here are some of the ways you can overcome that fear of failure and start to introduce yourself to those women who are actually just dying to meet you.
Reducing the Risk of Embarrassment
The first strategy to use if you’re someone who gets nervous approaching women, is to try and reduce the risk of failure by making yourself less committed to the approach. In other words, the aim is to try and make it clear that you’re interested in the woman but with plausible deniability so that they can’t point the finger or slap you around the chops.
One great way to do this is to go to a club or bar and then simply try smiling at women from across the room. This is a harmless gesture that you can’t really get into any trouble for, but at the same time it’s enough to show that you’re interested and if you’re successful you’ll find that the women come over to talk to you or just give you the ‘go ahead’ by smiling back. Eventually as you have more successes, you’ll find that you’re much less terrified to approach women in the first place.
Being Fun Rather Than Creepy
Another great way to avoid coming across as creepy or upsetting anyone inadvertently is simply to be go over with more than one intention.
In other words then, don’t go over in order to ‘pull’, but rather just to make friends with the group. Head over, ideally with a friend, introduce yourself and then just start chatting as though you just want to have a good time. This way you’ll have far less reason to be afraid, and you’ll also make a much better impression on them as they think you’re just a nice and confident guy – a rare combination if my friends are to be believed.
Use a Wingman (Or Ten)
That last strategy is much easier if you have more people with you at which point it can just become two groups meeting up rather than there being any pressure for two people to get romantic.
This will work even better if you happen to have a few very confident friends who are great at talking to women and introducing themselves. This way you can head over with them when they start talking and you can just hang out with the group at your leisure and speak to the members that you’re interested in.
If you spend enough time with guys who are confident at chatting to women, you’ll find that it eventually rubs off on you and you become much better at doing so yourself.
Practice Making a Fool of Yourself
When you’re thinking about approaching a woman, what is it really that you’re afraid of? Of course we all know that we’re probably never going to have to speak to that person again, so there’s not really any objective reason to be afraid. What there is however, is a fear of getting turned down in front of all your friends, getting rejected and having your ego damaged.
Most of us are shy to do the things we really want to do in front of other people and when there’s any kind of social pressure involved. The solution then is to train yourself to become impervious to this social pressure, and you can do that simply through practice.
Next time you head outside then, go into a shop that you wouldn’t normally go into and then try buying something cheap in a fake French accent. And if you aren’t ready to make a complete fool of yourself just yet, you can try something a little easier like just talking to a stranger in a coffee shop and asking which drink they recommend.
You’ll find it’s incredibly nerve-wracking and you’ll probably see your heart rate increase tremendously as you build up the courage. What you’ll find though is that there are no negative repercussions – and as you do this sort of thing more and more you’ll become impervious to that social anxiety which will make it much easier for you to put yourself out there in future by asking people out or just talking to attractive women.